Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge
Jack Sparrow returns for the fifth instalment of the endless buccaneering franchise, which
even the presence of Javier Bardem cannot salvage.
Far from jolly, Roger: Javier Bardem
Errol Flynn will be spinning in Davy Jones's locker. It’s
been six years since Pirates of the
Caribbean: On Stranger Tides grossed $1.045 billion at the global
box-office. Inevitably, then, the Walt Disney studio was eager to capitalise on
this lucrative franchise, based on its own theme park ride. And Salazar’s Revenge would have materialised
sooner were it not for the small fortune the company lost on the ludicrously
over-priced Johnny Depp vehicle The Lone
Ranger. So, after a moment of hesitation, they spent $230 million to resurrect
Jack Sparrow in yet another episode of computer-generated pirates defying the
laws of physics. And with that sort of money one might have expected at least
one decent gag or a coherent plot.
One of the myriad problems with Salazar’s Revenge is the premise: Jack Sparrow is chased by a horde
of spectral brigands who, because they are already dead, appear indestructible.
Their leader is played by Javier Bardem, a computer-generated blast of evil who
salivates black ooze and whose hair has a life of its own. So what is poor Jack
to do? One sequence has our hero on a beach surrounded by the sabre-rattling
demons and his demise is all but predetermined. So, with a magical edit, he is seen
racing through the neighbouring jungle without so much as a demon in sight. Such
lapses of logic rob the film of any sense of dread or suspense – because anything
seems to be possible. Jack Sparrow himself, a double-crossing, dentally
challenged alcoholic, is a tiresome presence, whose catalogue of drunken double
takes wears thin after two minutes. And to think that Johnny Depp started out channelling
the spirit of Chaplin in such films as Edward
Scissorhands and Benny & Joon.
While Javier Bardem lends some manic heft as Salazar, his
performance is largely diluted by meddlesome software. The true star, then, is the
English actress Kaya Scodelario, who
plays a plucky astronomer and horologist who, in spite of spending half the
film tied up or with a noose around her neck, provides some spark of credibility.
The production design is also outstanding, but can do little to rescue a film
that is so convoluted, bloated, over-long and insistently nonsensical. Only
Paul McCartney, as a pirate rotting in jail, raises a genuine smile with the
old joke, “Did you hear the one about the skeleton who goes into a bar and asks
for a beer and a mop?”
JAMES CAMERON-WILSON
Cast: Johnny Depp,
Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin R. McNally,
Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Stephen Graham, Orlando Bloom, Keira
Knightley, Paul McCartney, Bruce Spence.
Dir Joachim
Rønning and Espen Sandberg, Pro Jerry
Bruckheimer, Screenplay Jeff
Nathanson, Ph Paul Cameron, Pro Des Nigel Phelps, Ed Roger Barton and Leigh Folsom Boyd, Music Geoff Zanelli, Costumes Penny Rose, Dental Special Effects for Johnny Depp
David S. Keen.
Walt Disney Pictures/Jerry
Bruckheimer Films-Walt Disney.
128 mins. USA. 2017. Rel:
26 May 2017. Cert. 12A.