Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge
Jack Sparrow returns for the fifth instalment of the endless buccaneering franchise, which
even the presence of Javier Bardem cannot
salvage.
Far from jolly, Roger: Javier Bardem
Errol
Flynn will be spinning in Davy Jones's locker. It’s
been six years since Pirates of the
Caribbean: On Stranger Tides grossed $1.045 billion at the
global
box-office. Inevitably, then, the Walt Disney studio was eager to
capitalise on
this lucrative franchise, based on its own theme park ride. And Salazar’s Revenge would have materialised
sooner were it not for the small fortune the company lost on the
ludicrously
over-priced Johnny Depp vehicle The Lone
Ranger. So, after a moment of hesitation, they spent $230
million to resurrect
Jack Sparrow in yet another episode of computer-generated pirates
defying the
laws of physics. And with that sort of money one might have expected at
least
one decent gag or a coherent plot.
One
of the myriad problems with Salazar’s Revenge
is the premise: Jack Sparrow is chased by a horde
of spectral brigands who, because they are already dead, appear
indestructible.
Their leader is played by Javier Bardem, a computer-generated blast of
evil who
salivates black ooze and whose hair has a life of its own. So what is
poor Jack
to do? One sequence has our hero on a beach surrounded by the
sabre-rattling
demons and his demise is all but predetermined. So, with a magical
edit, he is seen
racing through the neighbouring jungle without so much as a demon in
sight. Such
lapses of logic rob the film of any sense of dread or suspense –
because anything
seems to be possible. Jack Sparrow himself, a double-crossing, dentally
challenged alcoholic, is a tiresome presence, whose catalogue of
drunken double
takes wears thin after two minutes. And to think that Johnny Depp
started out channelling
the spirit of Chaplin in such films as Edward
Scissorhands and Benny &
Joon.
While
Javier Bardem lends some manic heft as Salazar, his
performance is largely diluted by meddlesome software. The true star,
then, is the
English actress Kaya
Scodelario, who
plays a plucky astronomer and horologist who, in spite of spending half
the
film tied up or with a noose around her neck, provides some spark of
credibility.
The production design is also outstanding, but can do little to rescue
a film
that is so convoluted, bloated, over-long and insistently
nonsensical. Only
Paul McCartney, as a pirate rotting in jail, raises a genuine smile
with the
old joke, “Did you hear the one about the skeleton who goes into a bar
and asks
for a beer and a mop?”
JAMES
CAMERON-WILSON
Cast:
Johnny Depp,
Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Kevin
R. McNally,
Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Stephen Graham, Orlando Bloom, Keira
Knightley, Paul McCartney, Bruce Spence.
Dir
Joachim
Rønning and Espen Sandberg, Pro
Jerry
Bruckheimer, Screenplay Jeff
Nathanson, Ph Paul Cameron, Pro Des Nigel Phelps, Ed
Roger Barton and Leigh Folsom Boyd, Music
Geoff Zanelli, Costumes Penny Rose,
Dental Special Effects for Johnny Depp
David S. Keen.
Walt Disney
Pictures/Jerry
Bruckheimer Films-Walt Disney.
128 mins.
USA. 2017. Rel:
26 May 2017. Cert. 12A.