Firestarter

The second stab at Stephen King’s 1980 novel fails to ignite any sense of fear or dread.

Having a blast: Zac Efron and Ryan Kiera Armstrong

Stephen King may have made more sense of it all in his novel, but the film is absurd. There’s talk of a hormonal awakening, but the human Zippo of the title seems merely the by-product of an ill-advised experiment. Even as a baby, Charlie’s hot flushes set stuff alight. Then, aged eleven, following a hissy fit at school, Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) blows her family’s cover by detonating a bathroom stall. She had been called “weird” by the class bully, not because she could incinerate things with her mind but because her family didn’t have Wi-Fi. This wasn’t a problem for Drew Barrymore’s Charlie in the 1984 adaptation of the book as Wi-Fi hadn’t been invented back then. Not that that film – which also starred Martin Sheen, George C. Scott, Art Carney and Louise Fletcher – was much better, as the concept remained largely bonkers. The idea of the “them” and “us” in our technological world could make an intriguing premise for a horror film, but the motive for the social disparity here turns out to be far more prosaic. Charlie’s parents, Andy and Vicky McGee (Zac Efron and Sydney Lemmon), are struggling to stay off the grid as they are being hunted by sinister agents desperate to cover their tracks.

There is nothing credible in Keith Thomas’s remake, which makes it hard to care for anybody. The cheesy look exchanged by Andy and Vicky as they contemplate the baby Charlie does not bode well. This is a couple that does not exist in a real world. And when Vicky is assassinated by a ruthless bounty hunter (Michael Greyeyes) at the outset, Andy and Charlie forget to exhibit any normal grief. Charlie seems more upset by the cat she inadvertently cremates in a following scene. And so they gone on the run, filling in time before the next immolation. But who cares?

Keith Thomas’s Firestarter is nothing if not derivative, and if the music sounds like it’s been ripped off the soundtrack of Halloween, it will come as no surprise that the same composer co-wrote it. Even so, it’s nice to know that John Carpenter is still gainfully employed.

JAMES CAMERON-WILSON

Cast: Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Kurtwood Smith, John Beasley, Michael Greyeyes, Gloria Reuben, Tina Jung, Hannan Younis. 

Dir Keith Thomas, Pro Jason Blum and Akiva Goldsman, Screenplay Scott Teems, from the novel by Stephen King, Ph Karim Hussain, Pro Des Zosia Mackenzie, Ed Tim Alverson, Music John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter and Daniel Davies, Costumes Aline Gilmore, Sound Nathan Robitaille. 

Blumhouse Productions/Weed Road Pictures/BoulderLight Pictures/Angry Adam Productions-Universal Pictures.
94 mins. USA. 2022. US Rel: 12 May 2022. UK Rel: 13 May 2022. Cert. 15.