Anyone But You
Shakespeare goes Down Under in a car crash of a romantic comedy.
Much ado about zilch: Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell
As Oscar-hungry contenders jostle for space in the multiplex, some less than critic-friendly releases are slipping through the cracks. And Anyone But You is so inept that it beggars belief. For a start, beware the romcom with a title one is unlikely to recall in a week’s time. Titles are important and should reflect the essence of a film. But Anyone But You will rapidly be confused with Anywhere But Here (with Natalie Portman), Someone Like You (with Ashley Judd), Is Anybody There? (with Michael Caine) or the 2014 TV series Anyone But You. Catchier titles have proven to be Barbie, Oppenheimer, Jaws and The Shawshank Redemption. However, distinction is the least of this film’s worries, a movie so dumb that it would be endearing were it not so toe-curlingly implausible. It’s like watching an imprudently self-confident stand-up comic dying on stage. One just wants to avert one’s gaze.
The meet-cute prologue is not without promise. An attractive young woman enters a crowded coffee shop desperate for the restroom. As she navigates the bathroom protocol with a pitiless employee, a handsome jock steps out of the queue to claim her as his wife, swiftly acquiring the key to the in-store facility. What a gent. And, as played by Glen Powell, he is unreasonably handsome and charming, to boot. In the tradition of such mechanised conceits, he, Benedick, and she, Beatrice (Sydney Sweeney, from HBO’s Euphoria), appear to be unencumbered with immediate plans, romantic commitments or geographical impediments. And so they end up at his place, flirt outrageously all evening and spend the night on the couch. In the morning, she sneaks off without saying goodbye, he says some things he didn’t mean and they instantly become the worst of enemies.
So imagine our surprise when they find themselves on the same long-haul flight to Sydney to attend the wedding of her sister Claudia (Alexandra Shipp) and his friend Halle (Hadley Robinson). In spite of the passing of time, Bea and Ben still loathe each other, which is hard to comprehend, but no more than anything else in this wildly misjudged Ozzified Much Ado About Nothing. Hints are dropped in the form of quotes from the play, daubed in cheeky corners of the screen, written in sand, on a book cover, in neon or on a brass plate, a game unlikely to appease Shakespearean diehards. What matters is what is on screen and the chemistry between Powell and Sweeney is non-existent, while their antics defy common sense (such as when Bea accidently finds her finger in his anus – huh?). A reasonable supporting cast (Bryan Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Dermot Mulroney) are forced to mug shamefully, while much of the dialogue has the consistency of shoe leather (Sweeney: “It was the first time in my life that I felt fire – and I had to blow it out”; Powell: “I’ll affectionate the shit out of you”).
Nonetheless, there are two misjudged sequences of romcom business that could mark the film out as a cult classic (for all the wrong reasons). One involves Sweeney trapped in Powell’s airplane seat while he sleeps on undisturbed, the other a scene involving a rescue helicopter that will have audiences baying in disbelief. The countless shots of Sydney Harbour and its Opera House are enchanting, though.
JAMES CAMERON-WILSON
Cast: Sydney Sweeney, Glen Powell, Alexandra Shipp, GaTa, Hadley Robinson, Michelle Hurd, Dermot Mulroney, Darren Barnet, Bryan Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Charlee Fraser, Joe Davidson, Taryn Gluck.
Dir Will Gluck, Pro Will Gluck, Joe Roth and Jeff Kirschenbaum, Ex Pro Sydney Sweeney, Screenplay Ilana Wolpert and Will Gluck, Ph Danny Ruhlmann, Ed Tia Nolan, Music Este Haim and Chris Stracey, Costumes Amelia Gebler, Sound Paul Pirola.
Columbia Pictures/Roth/Kirschenbaum Films/SK Global/Fifty-Fifty Films/Olive Bridge Entertainment-Sony Pictures.
103 mins. USA. 2023. US Rel: 22 December 2023. UK Rel: 26 December 2023. Cert. 15.
